To Ashton
Dear Ashton,
You will be 5 tomorrow.
I was 20 years old when I became your mama.
I had a whole world of ideas in my head of what kind of mama I was going to be. ...What kind of mama I wanted to be. I believe that a lot of us mommy's have ideas on who and what we want to be before we meet our little ones.
It's funny, but in a way, it really is impossible to tell what kind of mamas and daddies we'll end up being until we actually meet our little ones. I discovered a whole lot about myself I had never known the day I became a mother. ...and I found complete truth in the quote that goes something like, "... I was the perfect mother before I was a mother."
I believe we don't truly "get it" until we have a completely dependent infant in our arms, crying closely in our ears, desperate for comfort at 3 a.m. in the middle of the night. ...Boy, did I get it then. I suddenly realized there is no such thing as a perfect mother.
Having a baby wasn't just about giving little ones Mohawk hairstyles in the bath and going to the park every day while we laugh and swing on swings. ...the beauty is that we do have those moments. ...many of them...
but we experience so many challenges along the way. So many choices. So many moments of thinking, "I hope and pray I'm doing/did the right thing in this or that situation."
Ashton,
I haven't been perfect.
There were times I'd sit up and rock and rock and rock you to sleep. ...Sometimes almost falling asleep myself with the rhythmic motions of the chair. Tears in my eyes, angry with you for something you couldn't help.
A lot of times, I'd let you hold a bottle at night to soothe you when everything in the books told me not to get into those habits.
You have fallen down when I should have been paying closer attention to what you were doing.
I have yelled at you when I shouldn't have. Simply out of exhaustion or frustration.
I have scolded you for saying things that I know you have heard from me.
I have indeed made mistakes.
I can't promise you that I'll ever be perfect. ...But I can promise you that I am trying my best. ...My gosh, am I ever trying.. I am giving this motherhood stuff all of my heart and soul.
and my gosh have I ever loved you. ...do I ever love you.
These past five years went by like a minute in a day.
In closing Ashton, before I saw you, I knew you would be wonderful. I knew I would fall so deeply in love with you that I'd always lose words when I tried to put it in description of just how much you are adored. ...but through all of this, I didn't realize how much I'd learn.
...and while each day you wake up a day older and wiser... and while we teach you everything about this life and world... you continue to teach us.
You continue to teach me so very much.
You are my heart and joy, little boy.
Happy Birthday Teddy. ...and many, many more. I love you. and I'm growing with you.
Just some random pictures of your many "firsts"-
Your first Christmas
Your first haircut
First hayride
First Halloween
First camping trip
First time apple picking
First Labor day
Your first friend - Tony
First time on a paddle boat
First father's day
First time swimming
First baseball game
First time pulling yourself up
1st Birthday party (at moo's house)
1st Birthday (Sarasota, Florida)
2nd Birthday
3rd Birthday
4th Birthday
One day old
You become a brother for the 1st time!
You're a brother again!
These have been the best 5 years of my life.
xoxo, mama
The following posts were all written on my original blog on Myspace that I wanted to save. It's funny for me to read through them and realize just how much I've grown as a mother and person.
My 40 week appointment... So everything went well with my appointment today! The baby looks perfectly healthy and they guessed he should weigh about 8 lbs!!! (Lord, help me!) They are going to see if he comes sometime between now and this weekend... and if not... I have an appointment on Monday and they are going to schedule to induce me either that night or Tuesday. I personally hope it's sooner and he just comes out naturally. I have been having contractions more and more frequently so I'm hoping it's either tonight or tomorrow! :-D! Well that's all I have for now... I would put up the two new sonogram pictures but I don't know how to work the scanner without Josh... and you wouldn't be able to tell what the pictures are of anyway! (He's turned around and face down so the pictures are pretty much just black) Hope to see you at the hospital with Ashton in my arms! ;)November 8th 2007
Woo! Well I'm 3 cm and the doctor thinks either tonight or tomorrow morning the baby should be here! She told me to go have lunch (which we did) and to walk around as much as possible to try to progress things... then come back into the office when the contractions get excruciating. Well, they aren't really excruciating right now... so I can't believe I'm wishing to be in excruciating pain.. Anyway, hopefully it happens! I'm going to get up and walk around! :) Thankyou for the prayers! COME ONNN BABY ASHTON! YOU CAN DO IT LITTLE GUY! lol. COME ON OUT!!!!!!! November 13th 2007
He’s Hereeee! / Birth Story! Well Ashton Scott Basile made his way into the world Wednesday November 14th 2007 at 4:10 p.m! Early Wednesday I went in to schedule my date for induction when they checked me and said I was about 2-3 cm dilated already... so they told me to walk around and have a healthy lunch and they were sure they'd see me later that day at the hospital. Well, they were right! At about 8-9 at night my contractions started getting closer and closer together until they were steady about five minutes apart. We called the hospital and away we went! I almost instantly started going into harder labor and it helped when my mom and Joshua walked around the halls with me to get things to progress even faster. It was when I was about 7 cm dilated I said to give me the epidural so I could get some sleep before the pushing began... Well, I couldn't fall asleep and soon I began feeling the contractions again and felt like I reallllly had to push. Well, 2 hours and 45 minutes later... OUT CAME ASHTON! YAY!!! lol, I never thought the pushing would end! I cannot believe he is finally here though! Joshua is the most amazing father ever... and we're both so happy we can't even begin to explain. God has given us one beautiful, perfect baby!!! I could not ask for more!!!!! Thankyou all for the prayers and support! We love you!!! And Ashton wants to see you soon!!! November 16th 2007
Ashtons 1st Doctors Appointment
Ashton grew in a week!! 20 1/2 inches 8 lbs 15 ounces. The doctor said we have a perfect baby! :) He's perfectly proportioned and strong and healthy! :) Usually it takes them a couple of weeks to gain from their birth weight... so the doctor was happy to see that he had grown so fast! He's already growing like a weed! We are so blessed. November 23rd 2007
Ashton Update :)
Ashton is smiling up a storm lately and trying his best to giggle! He listens when I read to him and smiles like crazy when I make funny noises. He follows people perfectly when they walk around and turns to look at us when we talk :) He loves his mobile and his playmats now... it's so fun to watch him get so excited about everything. He'll kick his feet and smile and smile when he gets excited. It's sooo cute! I'm so proud of my little man :) I'm a lucky mommy! Jan 2nd 2008
Not so good news...
Well Ashton went to the doctors on Friday and we were told his blood test did not come back so well. He could have something called Urea Cycle Disorder and if you google it you'll see it's not a very good thing. The doctor said he's not showing dangerous levels of it but it is there so we have to take him to a specialist as soon as possible. The doctor also said one of the signs of this is that babies often have trouble growing... and obviously Ashton has no problem with that. He's in the 98 percentile his doctor said.... but this is all still so scary. We were waiting to hear back from him since he got his blood drawn again Friday and the doctor called me today saying it came back that he's still showing signs of it. Now other then all of this... Ashton really is a healthy baby... he spit up like once... he sleeps well, eats well, etc. etc...... he's hardly ever fussy. So I just don't understand. ...But please keep Ashton in your prayers if you could. It is very comforting to know that God is with my baby boy no matter what the outcome. I love you all. -Jess Jan 29 2008
WONDERFUL news!!!!!!! The specialist finally got back to us and Ashton is perfectly fine! He doesn't have a urea cycle disorder. :):):):) Thankyou all for your prayers!!! We are so grateful for every single one of them! -Jess Feb 25th 2008
Ashton Scott
Well, Ashton had his check up today. He is a whopping 18 lbs and 28 inches! He’s in the 95th percentile for length and the 50-75 percentile for weight. I swear he’s going to grow up and be a basketball/football player! March 28th 2008
You know...
You know what's worse then having all these sleepless nights with Ashton? (especially due to his teething lately) NOT having all these sleepless nights with Ashton. I cannot begin to imagine what my life would be right now without him. I get sad at the thoughts of what it would have been like without him. ...Not hearing his little cries or seeing his beautiful smiles. Not hearing his adorable laugh or getting to see him grow more and more with each day. There are so many women who would do anything for this. To have a child in their life but for some reason either at this time in their life they cannot or there is something physically wrong with them... It's just so sad to me. Sometimes I complain about my back aching or all the silly things we have to bring with us in the diaper bag just for a small trip to the grocery store... but I appreciate the back aches, the hauling of the diaper bags and car seat, the sleepless nights, the stretch marks, the extra weight, and all the cries... because without all of this there would be no Ashton! (and of course all the good times too) So next time... (if you are a mother)... and you think about what a pain it is to wake up in the middle of the night... or you just can't seem to get the dishes done... think about what your life would be if you were sleeping all night and you were never woken up by your precious babies cry... or there was always clean dishes but no baby there to love and play with after. I've said this a billion times already and I constantly repeat this throughout the day... but I am so blessed. Thankyou God for all the rough times too. April 30th 2008
*Ashton update* :)
Well, the little guy is crawling everywhere now! He's been sitting up for a couple months, he has favorite toys, he likes opening and closing the cupboards, he holds his bigger bottles like a champ, and when I come into the room he's sitting up in his crib smiling at me! It's adorable when I'm laying in bed and I see ashton on the other side of the room and he pulls down the bumper and gives me this huge grin. It's the best thing in the world! My little man is growing so fast I can hardly believe my eyes sometimes. May 19th 2008
Ashtons nine month appointment WELL!
Ashton had his nine month appointment Friday morning. All is well and good! He didn't have to get any shots which made us all very pleased. He is 23 lbs and 31 3/4 inches. His weight makes him in the 95th percentile and his height is off the charts! He's walking more and more each day and he enjoys snuggling with the cat. (The cat obviously is never to thrilled about it though). He has a new found fascination with Barney and that's ok with me. I think I'm the only adult that seems not to mind the show so much. He thinks it's HILARIOUS when you chase him around. He gets so caught up in laughing he just gives up with trying to get away... and lays down. His favorite foods are Sweet Corn Casserole, Mac and Cheese, and his Organic Sesame Street Sunny Days Bars. (lol). He HATES fruit so I have to sneak some in his oatmeal otherwise he won't eat it at all! He's sleeping through the night ok. He wakes up around 5 for a bottle and then sleeps until 9:30-10. He has six teeth and more are on the way! I found the BEST shoes ever for him at Target. They are Mini Star shoes. They are so easy to put on, he walks perfectly with them on and they are nice and soft and comfortable for him. Best of all... they stay on his feet! Anyway, thats my update! Talk to you all soon, Jessie Aug 23rd 2008
You will be 5 tomorrow.
I was 20 years old when I became your mama.
I had a whole world of ideas in my head of what kind of mama I was going to be. ...What kind of mama I wanted to be. I believe that a lot of us mommy's have ideas on who and what we want to be before we meet our little ones.
It's funny, but in a way, it really is impossible to tell what kind of mamas and daddies we'll end up being until we actually meet our little ones. I discovered a whole lot about myself I had never known the day I became a mother. ...and I found complete truth in the quote that goes something like, "... I was the perfect mother before I was a mother."
I believe we don't truly "get it" until we have a completely dependent infant in our arms, crying closely in our ears, desperate for comfort at 3 a.m. in the middle of the night. ...Boy, did I get it then. I suddenly realized there is no such thing as a perfect mother.
Having a baby wasn't just about giving little ones Mohawk hairstyles in the bath and going to the park every day while we laugh and swing on swings. ...the beauty is that we do have those moments. ...many of them...
but we experience so many challenges along the way. So many choices. So many moments of thinking, "I hope and pray I'm doing/did the right thing in this or that situation."
Ashton,
I haven't been perfect.
There were times I'd sit up and rock and rock and rock you to sleep. ...Sometimes almost falling asleep myself with the rhythmic motions of the chair. Tears in my eyes, angry with you for something you couldn't help.
A lot of times, I'd let you hold a bottle at night to soothe you when everything in the books told me not to get into those habits.
You have fallen down when I should have been paying closer attention to what you were doing.
I have yelled at you when I shouldn't have. Simply out of exhaustion or frustration.
I have scolded you for saying things that I know you have heard from me.
I have indeed made mistakes.
I can't promise you that I'll ever be perfect. ...But I can promise you that I am trying my best. ...My gosh, am I ever trying.. I am giving this motherhood stuff all of my heart and soul.
and my gosh have I ever loved you. ...do I ever love you.
These past five years went by like a minute in a day.
In closing Ashton, before I saw you, I knew you would be wonderful. I knew I would fall so deeply in love with you that I'd always lose words when I tried to put it in description of just how much you are adored. ...but through all of this, I didn't realize how much I'd learn.
...and while each day you wake up a day older and wiser... and while we teach you everything about this life and world... you continue to teach us.
You continue to teach me so very much.
You are my heart and joy, little boy.
Happy Birthday Teddy. ...and many, many more. I love you. and I'm growing with you.
Just some random pictures of your many "firsts"-
Your first Christmas
Your first haircut
First hayride
First Halloween
First camping trip
First time apple picking
First Labor day
Your first friend - Tony
First time on a paddle boat
First father's day
First time swimming
First baseball game
First time pulling yourself up
1st Birthday party (at moo's house)
1st Birthday (Sarasota, Florida)
2nd Birthday
3rd Birthday
4th Birthday
One day old
You become a brother for the 1st time!
You're a brother again!
These have been the best 5 years of my life.
xoxo, mama
The following posts were all written on my original blog on Myspace that I wanted to save. It's funny for me to read through them and realize just how much I've grown as a mother and person.
My 40 week appointment... So everything went well with my appointment today! The baby looks perfectly healthy and they guessed he should weigh about 8 lbs!!! (Lord, help me!) They are going to see if he comes sometime between now and this weekend... and if not... I have an appointment on Monday and they are going to schedule to induce me either that night or Tuesday. I personally hope it's sooner and he just comes out naturally. I have been having contractions more and more frequently so I'm hoping it's either tonight or tomorrow! :-D! Well that's all I have for now... I would put up the two new sonogram pictures but I don't know how to work the scanner without Josh... and you wouldn't be able to tell what the pictures are of anyway! (He's turned around and face down so the pictures are pretty much just black) Hope to see you at the hospital with Ashton in my arms! ;)November 8th 2007
Woo! Well I'm 3 cm and the doctor thinks either tonight or tomorrow morning the baby should be here! She told me to go have lunch (which we did) and to walk around as much as possible to try to progress things... then come back into the office when the contractions get excruciating. Well, they aren't really excruciating right now... so I can't believe I'm wishing to be in excruciating pain.. Anyway, hopefully it happens! I'm going to get up and walk around! :) Thankyou for the prayers! COME ONNN BABY ASHTON! YOU CAN DO IT LITTLE GUY! lol. COME ON OUT!!!!!!! November 13th 2007
He’s Hereeee! / Birth Story! Well Ashton Scott Basile made his way into the world Wednesday November 14th 2007 at 4:10 p.m! Early Wednesday I went in to schedule my date for induction when they checked me and said I was about 2-3 cm dilated already... so they told me to walk around and have a healthy lunch and they were sure they'd see me later that day at the hospital. Well, they were right! At about 8-9 at night my contractions started getting closer and closer together until they were steady about five minutes apart. We called the hospital and away we went! I almost instantly started going into harder labor and it helped when my mom and Joshua walked around the halls with me to get things to progress even faster. It was when I was about 7 cm dilated I said to give me the epidural so I could get some sleep before the pushing began... Well, I couldn't fall asleep and soon I began feeling the contractions again and felt like I reallllly had to push. Well, 2 hours and 45 minutes later... OUT CAME ASHTON! YAY!!! lol, I never thought the pushing would end! I cannot believe he is finally here though! Joshua is the most amazing father ever... and we're both so happy we can't even begin to explain. God has given us one beautiful, perfect baby!!! I could not ask for more!!!!! Thankyou all for the prayers and support! We love you!!! And Ashton wants to see you soon!!! November 16th 2007
Ashtons 1st Doctors Appointment
Ashton grew in a week!! 20 1/2 inches 8 lbs 15 ounces. The doctor said we have a perfect baby! :) He's perfectly proportioned and strong and healthy! :) Usually it takes them a couple of weeks to gain from their birth weight... so the doctor was happy to see that he had grown so fast! He's already growing like a weed! We are so blessed. November 23rd 2007
Ashton Update :)
Ashton is smiling up a storm lately and trying his best to giggle! He listens when I read to him and smiles like crazy when I make funny noises. He follows people perfectly when they walk around and turns to look at us when we talk :) He loves his mobile and his playmats now... it's so fun to watch him get so excited about everything. He'll kick his feet and smile and smile when he gets excited. It's sooo cute! I'm so proud of my little man :) I'm a lucky mommy! Jan 2nd 2008
Not so good news...
Well Ashton went to the doctors on Friday and we were told his blood test did not come back so well. He could have something called Urea Cycle Disorder and if you google it you'll see it's not a very good thing. The doctor said he's not showing dangerous levels of it but it is there so we have to take him to a specialist as soon as possible. The doctor also said one of the signs of this is that babies often have trouble growing... and obviously Ashton has no problem with that. He's in the 98 percentile his doctor said.... but this is all still so scary. We were waiting to hear back from him since he got his blood drawn again Friday and the doctor called me today saying it came back that he's still showing signs of it. Now other then all of this... Ashton really is a healthy baby... he spit up like once... he sleeps well, eats well, etc. etc...... he's hardly ever fussy. So I just don't understand. ...But please keep Ashton in your prayers if you could. It is very comforting to know that God is with my baby boy no matter what the outcome. I love you all. -Jess Jan 29 2008
WONDERFUL news!!!!!!! The specialist finally got back to us and Ashton is perfectly fine! He doesn't have a urea cycle disorder. :):):):) Thankyou all for your prayers!!! We are so grateful for every single one of them! -Jess Feb 25th 2008
Ashton Scott
Well, Ashton had his check up today. He is a whopping 18 lbs and 28 inches! He’s in the 95th percentile for length and the 50-75 percentile for weight. I swear he’s going to grow up and be a basketball/football player! March 28th 2008
You know...
You know what's worse then having all these sleepless nights with Ashton? (especially due to his teething lately) NOT having all these sleepless nights with Ashton. I cannot begin to imagine what my life would be right now without him. I get sad at the thoughts of what it would have been like without him. ...Not hearing his little cries or seeing his beautiful smiles. Not hearing his adorable laugh or getting to see him grow more and more with each day. There are so many women who would do anything for this. To have a child in their life but for some reason either at this time in their life they cannot or there is something physically wrong with them... It's just so sad to me. Sometimes I complain about my back aching or all the silly things we have to bring with us in the diaper bag just for a small trip to the grocery store... but I appreciate the back aches, the hauling of the diaper bags and car seat, the sleepless nights, the stretch marks, the extra weight, and all the cries... because without all of this there would be no Ashton! (and of course all the good times too) So next time... (if you are a mother)... and you think about what a pain it is to wake up in the middle of the night... or you just can't seem to get the dishes done... think about what your life would be if you were sleeping all night and you were never woken up by your precious babies cry... or there was always clean dishes but no baby there to love and play with after. I've said this a billion times already and I constantly repeat this throughout the day... but I am so blessed. Thankyou God for all the rough times too. April 30th 2008
*Ashton update* :)
Well, the little guy is crawling everywhere now! He's been sitting up for a couple months, he has favorite toys, he likes opening and closing the cupboards, he holds his bigger bottles like a champ, and when I come into the room he's sitting up in his crib smiling at me! It's adorable when I'm laying in bed and I see ashton on the other side of the room and he pulls down the bumper and gives me this huge grin. It's the best thing in the world! My little man is growing so fast I can hardly believe my eyes sometimes. May 19th 2008
Ashtons nine month appointment WELL!
Ashton had his nine month appointment Friday morning. All is well and good! He didn't have to get any shots which made us all very pleased. He is 23 lbs and 31 3/4 inches. His weight makes him in the 95th percentile and his height is off the charts! He's walking more and more each day and he enjoys snuggling with the cat. (The cat obviously is never to thrilled about it though). He has a new found fascination with Barney and that's ok with me. I think I'm the only adult that seems not to mind the show so much. He thinks it's HILARIOUS when you chase him around. He gets so caught up in laughing he just gives up with trying to get away... and lays down. His favorite foods are Sweet Corn Casserole, Mac and Cheese, and his Organic Sesame Street Sunny Days Bars. (lol). He HATES fruit so I have to sneak some in his oatmeal otherwise he won't eat it at all! He's sleeping through the night ok. He wakes up around 5 for a bottle and then sleeps until 9:30-10. He has six teeth and more are on the way! I found the BEST shoes ever for him at Target. They are Mini Star shoes. They are so easy to put on, he walks perfectly with them on and they are nice and soft and comfortable for him. Best of all... they stay on his feet! Anyway, thats my update! Talk to you all soon, Jessie Aug 23rd 2008
Comments