Eli Grayson - One year later
One year ago; at this time, Eli was still in the NICU.
He is doing SO great now. He is healthy, gaining weight, thriving. Thank God.
Eli was taken off his medication in October and that was also the last time he was at the cardiologist. He has a slight murmur his pediatrician is keeping an eye on but it should resolve on it's own.
Our last visit with the cardiologist; we were armed with questions. We so badly needed answers. When we asked what had happened when Eli was in the hospital and the umbilical lines were taken out; his doctor told us, "we believe it was a result of built up blood pressure in the lungs when he was born."
He walked out so fast that day. and I fought back tears. We needed closure and honesty and his walk out the door was about the only closure I know we'll ever get. We felt angry and insecure.
Quite honestly, most of the time, it's hard for us to look at his newborn pictures. The glossy photos are tainted over with traumatizing memory. Other times, I fill with gratitude at how far our boy has come.
We are still healing.
On April 4th when he was taken away in the ambulance and the day he lay seemingly lifeless in my arms; oh Lord, it still hurts and haunts. But we move forward with life and health, don't we? and it's ok that it still hurts, right?
Moving forward does not mean that we forget or ignore our feelings. It simply means that we don't linger down below long enough to forget that what we have now is greater than any pain that we felt before.
When I look back at Eli's first year in it's entirety, I feel it hugged tightly by your thoughtful and loving prayers. Thank you with all my heart. Thank you for being there for all of us. I can't thank you enough for praying for our boy.
Eli is walking and laughing and dancing up a storm. He says, "Mama, Dada, Santa, what's that? and two." Really, he's so adorably sweet and makes my heart skip a beat every time he smiles. We are simply in love with him.
His next appointment with the pediatrician will be next week and my heart sinks and tries not to feel such agony. ...But what a blessing it is that God is already there. You know? He's there. He's already there.
Dear Eli, I love you. We love you. Forever loved and prayed for. Amen.
p.s. thank you for listening. it means the world to me.
Jessie
He is doing SO great now. He is healthy, gaining weight, thriving. Thank God.
Eli was taken off his medication in October and that was also the last time he was at the cardiologist. He has a slight murmur his pediatrician is keeping an eye on but it should resolve on it's own.
Our last visit with the cardiologist; we were armed with questions. We so badly needed answers. When we asked what had happened when Eli was in the hospital and the umbilical lines were taken out; his doctor told us, "we believe it was a result of built up blood pressure in the lungs when he was born."
He walked out so fast that day. and I fought back tears. We needed closure and honesty and his walk out the door was about the only closure I know we'll ever get. We felt angry and insecure.
Quite honestly, most of the time, it's hard for us to look at his newborn pictures. The glossy photos are tainted over with traumatizing memory. Other times, I fill with gratitude at how far our boy has come.
We are still healing.
On April 4th when he was taken away in the ambulance and the day he lay seemingly lifeless in my arms; oh Lord, it still hurts and haunts. But we move forward with life and health, don't we? and it's ok that it still hurts, right?
Moving forward does not mean that we forget or ignore our feelings. It simply means that we don't linger down below long enough to forget that what we have now is greater than any pain that we felt before.
When I look back at Eli's first year in it's entirety, I feel it hugged tightly by your thoughtful and loving prayers. Thank you with all my heart. Thank you for being there for all of us. I can't thank you enough for praying for our boy.
Eli is walking and laughing and dancing up a storm. He says, "Mama, Dada, Santa, what's that? and two." Really, he's so adorably sweet and makes my heart skip a beat every time he smiles. We are simply in love with him.
His next appointment with the pediatrician will be next week and my heart sinks and tries not to feel such agony. ...But what a blessing it is that God is already there. You know? He's there. He's already there.
Dear Eli, I love you. We love you. Forever loved and prayed for. Amen.
p.s. thank you for listening. it means the world to me.
Jessie
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